- 15-year-old me: MOM I'm practically an ADULT ugggh you never let me do ANYTHING in olden times i could get MARRIED *eye roll into another dimension*
- me now: for my birthday i want food and to stay on your health insurance
*walks into house*
Girl: So… I found receipts for condoms in your back seat along with panties, I broke into your phone saw the texts, followed you to her house, peeked through the window, saw y’all having sex, hit her up the next day got a video confession from her,…
I want to move back to Philly, but I also don’t want to run into any of my family.